My Luck

It's Tuesday.  In August.  And I've had my full day of work.  A few of the highlights today:  pulling a purple crayon out of my toddler's mouth (yes, his teeth had crayon pieces in them AND there were teeth marks on the crayon), watching, with my 3 1/2 year old, the tiniest ants I've ever seen marching in and out of their home, and sharing a just-got-up-from-nap moment in my daughter's bed with both kids.  Over three months into this stay-at-home mom business and it really just hasn't hit me yet that this will be my ONLY job for the next year or so.  Being a teacher, so far it honestly doesn't feel any different than the last few summers (well, of course the exception of my crazy, on-the-go 15 month old boy).  BUT, I'm thinking differently.  I'm looking at my small world differently.  And in the process, have discovered MANY things about this job, my kids, and myself.  Some good, some bad, and some that don't fit into either of these categories.  And I thought to myself, why the heck not write them down!!  Here we go:

The GOOD Things:
(I'm the type of person that HAS to have some sort of organization to my writing.  I LOVE headings.)
1.  Less food wasted.  Yes, I know this may seems trivial to most but I remember days when I was working that I would throw out 3-4 leftover containers.  It made me sick and very upset that the food we had prepared was now in the trash.  Money going in the trash and food that someone would/could have ate.  Now, being home, I'm able to freeze/conserve/eat leftovers. I'm learning the ways of freezing extra leftovers from my mother as well as sister-in-law.  AMAZING!! Now, I just need to make sure I eat them from the freezer!

2.  More organized.  You should have seen my classroom and for those of you that know me, I LOVE to organize.  I am taking it to a whole new level in my house (sorry Jay!!) or so I am trying to.  I actually sorted through and somewhat organized almost every room in our house AND was able to have a yard sale.  Guess where the money went?? Yes, to organize our craft area AND my pictures.  It was also astounding to see how many containers/organizers I had in my classroom.  Visit my house, and you will see them everywhere (and I didn't have to pay a cent NOW)!  This was a few months ago, so I'm not saying it looks exactly the same.

3.  Who's the Boss?  Me. Who do I answer to?  Me.  Who grades me?  Me.  You might as well include my husband and of course our kids.  But honestly, I am the one in control of my job now.  If I want to skip out on doing a chore for the day (I have one household chore I do every day--so I don't have to clean the WHOLE house in one day and it makes me feel like a part of the house is clean every day:o)) or skip doing a load of wash--I CAN!  However, this does exclude feeding the kids and making sure the don't severely hurt themselves (my son's poor head! He can not stay vertical for anything--Man, that could be taken wrong in his future).

4.  More ME time.  When I was working, I often would skip out on time for myself because I felt like my school job was my "me" time.  Any time I had left over, I would spend with our kids and my husband because I didn't want to miss any more time away from them.  Now, I can truly have my "me" time without guilt and enjoy it.  Little, but great.

5.  I can be messy, artsy, funny, silly, loud, quiet, content....all with my kids.  I can dance, sing, clean, organize, draw, paint, watch, read......all with my kids. 

6.  With number 5 comes, HUGS (my son now knows how to give squeezer hugs!!), SMILES (my daughter's can melt my heart), and moments.  I could chat with my 3 1/2 year old daughter for hours.  And I could cuddle with my 15 month old for as long as he'll let me.  LOVE.

The Not-So-Good things:
1.  Money.  Of course and duh?!?!  I can't spend as frivolously as I used to and I have to wait to do and buy things.  I also am learning new way of cutting back and how to make a little money here and there.  But honestly, so what.  So I have to do this now.  But it won't last forever (unfortunately?).  And I can deal with that.

2.  Dirtier HOUSE!  Gosh, I had people tell me this, but I never truly imagined how everything gets dirty.  The only thing that really bugs me are the floors.  I hate black dog hair (more hair because she's in the house more now).  It's everywhere.  But honestly as I type this, I think again, so what??  Dog hair.  I'm ashamed and disgusted by dog hair.  There could definitely be worse things.  (I vacuum twice a week-my kids love it:o) and I know I probably should do it more but that's all I'm doing). 

3.  Insanity.  Yes, I said it.  Some days I feel like I'm losing my mind. AND I have even written on my house calendar (Losing Mind Day).  BUT, we all have them.  I would be having them if I were working or not.  And fortunately, my sanity days outnumber my insanity days.  And they are not necessarily days--more like hours? Or minutes?  Would have to talk to my daughter on that one.  And trust me, I do apologize to her.  I am not ashamed to admit when I have shouted or acted in a way I shouldn't have.  We all make mistakes and are human.  I hope my daughter realizes this and learns from it. 

On to my BIG revelations:
1.  This is not for everyone.  And I will soon find out if it is for me (I'm hoping to discover this by Christmas! We will see!).  I had this discussion today with another stay-at-home mom.  Everyone chooses to be their own kind of family.  Chooses what works and doesn't work for them.  This includes many things in the family unit--roles, traditions, organization (told you I'm huge on this), way of doing things.  I am learning that I will not be like every stay-at-home mom.  This was HUGE for me this week.  I finally stopped trying to be the perfect stay-at-home mom and started being the one that was RIGHT for me. What feels right.  It's strange to think this now.  After three months, I'm now realizing this! HA!

2.  I cannot do this alone.  I cry, beg, and pay for help:o)  Mainly to watch/entertain my kids.  I am learning to take up offers and to plan accordingly. 

3.  I have faith.  It is there.  I questioned for awhile (not sure how many years).  But it is there.  We have visited an awesome church the last few weekends.  Last week was on why life isn't fair.  The three things I took away from it:  Be realistic about your life.  Do the RIGHT thing anyway.  Wait for God's reward.  It was perfect timing.  Funny how that works isn't it?

Other little tidbits about my kiddos:
1.  My kids are SO different in their eating habits.  One will eat anything, while the other is the pickiest.  One eats more in the morning, while the other eats more in the evenings.  One would prefer milk over water, while the other would opt for water.  Who knew?

2.  My daughter seriously has the best smile.  She presses her little lips together, flashes her daddy's dimple, and her eyes seriously gleam.  I know this sounds extremely corny, but it makes me smile and warms my heart every time.

3.  My son may not say many words but he speaks volumes in other ways.  He will do pretty much anything I tell him to, he nods his head yes and no, will sit in my lap and lift up his foot to put his shoes on, will climb onto our couch and "read" to himself (crazy eh??), and many more that I can't even remember.  This past week has been a move in the right direction of talking (has said ball several times and if you really listen to him you can make out other words).  I am learning to have patience.

And now I must go, my kids are back from their outing with their dad.  Just in time to bath them and then I"m off for a much needed evening out with my girls to celebrate a cherished friend's birthday. 

One last thing before I go.  I looked at my kids today--no REALLY looked at my kids today--and it made me feel lucky.