Sunday, August 26, 2012

Firsts

I'm nervous.

For the first time in 10 years, I am nervous for the first day of school in a different way.  Please let me explain.

Anyone who is or was a teacher, knows the feeling you get the night before and morning of the first day of school.  Just like when you were a student in school, the butterflies flutter and your energy is high.  You set out your first day outfit and struggle to sleep.  In the morning, you do last minute touches and to-dos and then your game face is on (as my husband would say).  The day flies by and by the end you are wondering what you exactly said all day.  You are on an adrenaline rush.  One that comes every September. 

This year, I am nervous for my daughter.  Tuesday will be her first day of preschool.  I imagine this is how every parent feels on the first day of school.  Or is it just the first year of school?  Many nerves stem around what I wonder this first day will be like for her.  I wonder if she will like it.  Who am I kidding?  She's going to LOVE it.  I wonder how she will act in front of her teacher.  I wonder what they will do her first day.  I wonder if she'll make friends on the first day.  My little sponge that has been soaking up all of my facts, thoughts, emotions, ideas and will now have someone else to fill her up.  It's so exciting yet nerve-wrecking at the same time! 

I truly wish I could be a fly on the wall.  But I know this is the time and place where I start letting go a LITTLE and letting her grow on her own.  I may be exaggerating a bit since she is only going to be in school for TWO half days.  But come on.  She will only have ONE first day of her entire education/schooling.  This is the beginning.

I also have to admit I'm a bit jealous.  I'm going to say it.  And I may regret it later.  BUT I LOVE SCHOOL.  And PART (a small part) of me, wishes that I could be going to school too.  Like I have always done.  Why?

I love buying school supplies.  This year, when I would normally spend $300-$400 on school supplies, I spent about $20.  A few supplies provided by our school fairy and a few for her teacher (I could NOT, NOT buy school supplies). 

I love my friends.  My teacher friends.  They get me.  Support me.  Listen to me.  Cheer me on.  My best friends are my teacher friends.  What am I going to do not seeing them every day?  (I am truly dreading this the most.)

I love my students.  Old or new.  And even the ones that were really hard to like.  I always seemed to dig down deep and try and find one likable thing about them (The truth:  I've only TRULY not liked like 3 kids.  Seriously.  And one confronted me years later and told me he was sorry for terrorizing me!!  So that one doesn't really count.)  Anyways, I love smiling, laughing, cheering with them.  And getting to know them.

I love teaching.  I love figuring out ways to help kids.  My revelations.  Their revelations.  The joy I get from helping a child and having them appreciate it, gives me hope and satisfaction in my job.

Reality of teaching:  Not every day is easy.  And every year gets harder. Those that are teachers know what I am talking about.  I'm not going to go into details here because that's not important.  Just know I am taking a year off because I was burnt out and needed to reconnect with my own kids, husband, and self.  And I'm excited.  I AM excited to start this year.  And it truly doesn't start until September 4th when I would normally be in a classroom in front of 25 or so bright-eyed, well-behaved, nervous kids.  Or maybe even Tuesday of this week, when all my teacher friends will be going back---PLEASE miss me, because I will miss you and will think of you Tuesday:o)

I think this has given me insight into how I truly feel about teaching.  I half jokingly tell people I don't know if I will go back to teaching.  BUT I think deep down I know.  I will.  Maybe next year.  Maybe in two years or five.  Who knows?  BUT, I will go back.  Someday.

Top 10 of the week:

10.  My mom made peach cobbler for us this weekend.  Gosh it was great.  And even better that it was made by my mom.  Made me think of fall.

9.  My kids are well behaved WHEN they need to be.  This past week, we were in the hospital for several hours just before lunch.  I like to call it the "witching hour."  I kept them entertained and was extremely pleased how well they acted! 

8.  Grasshoppers poop A LOT.  Mal caught one of her "friends" this week.  We put it in her bug catcher with a few lettuce leaves (instructions from Jay). Holy Moly.  Looked at it today and the whole bottom of the container was POOP.  Okay, maybe a bit of an exaggeration.  But there was A LOT. Who knew?

7.  NO classroom to get ready.  Okay, this should probably be farther up on the list.  But honestly, I'm not really thinking about it TOO much.  I've got other things (or people) on my mind:o)

6.  Misc stuff:  Clay had his first ice cream cone by himself!  Extremely messy. Mal got a letter from her preschool teacher (tickled pink about it).  The dead-mouse-smell from inside our bedroom closet is FINALLY gone.  Ugh.

5.  Visit to a cow farm.  Mal LOVED it.  Clay enjoyed the dogs:o)  My realization--Cows are HUGE.

4.  Jay and I went tubing down a river in Watervliet with some friends.  It was a blast.  Jay's phrase since then, "If I would have known that place was there only 20 minutes from our house, I would have gone there at LEAST twice a year."  Needless to say, he really liked it.  We will be going back.  Probably TWICE a year from now on. 

3.  Third visit to a new church.  Sermon was on money.  Put things into perspective.  I'd like to do some kind of charity work with the kids.  Not sure in what field...but is on my to-do list for THIS year (because the year truly starts in September not January).

2.  Went school shopping and had lunch with my little lady.  It was a bit trying at first.  But we shared lunch together and it felt great.  She is growing up and I am so proud to be her Momma.  It also amazes me how much she has taught me.

1.  The FIRST visit of the school fairy.  Caught on video.  The most precious, innocent, excitement I have seen in awhile.   Like Christmas but even a bit better.  What a moment.

(For the past five or so years, the librarian has always read a book about a boy who desired to be on the Dave Letterman show.  He would continually write top tens lists and send them to Letterman.  It is a great book. Can't remember the name of it right now).

No comments:

Post a Comment