Apraxia

"I wish my brother talked, then I'd have someone to talk to."
This was said by my sweet Miss Mallory Jayne.  We were coming home from dance last week and she just randomly stated this.  Broke my heart.  Because honestly, I feel the same way.  And the more time I spend alone with him the more I crave to hear "real" words from him.


Apraxia* is not easy.


Especially to those closest to him.


I have learned that my daughter has an overly patience personality.  She loves her brother with all her heart and tries her best to include him in everything she does.  Always thinking of him.  Playing with him.  Helping him.  The two are inseparable when they are both home.


But this summer took a toll on their relationship.  Being together 24 hours a day, 7 days a week broke them.  Broke her.  And I KNOW the feeling.  They began to fight a lot.  Constantly bickering.  It wore at me.  I didn't know what to do.  What had gone wrong.  And then it hit me.


Apraxia.


I watched several encounters with them...watched them escalate.  Each started with them playing nicely.  Enjoying each other's company.  Smiling, laughing.  And then Mallory would want Clay to do something or say something.  And he wouldn't want to.  He would struggle with how to tell her his own opinion.  She couldn't understand.  She would yell.  He would get even more frustrated.  And hit. Throw. Whatever he could do to get her attention.  She would then do the same back OR come crying to me.  I felt bad.  I knew the reasoning behind their fights.  The lack of communication.  Clay's frustration with knowing what's going on, wanting to tell her what he wants, and then not being able to. 


I honestly can't even imagine what that would be like.  To not have a voice when you know what you want to say.  Makes me cry every time I think about my little boy.  How desperately I would love for him to ask me for a glass of milk.  Or to tell me he loves me.  Or to even know his thoughts.  Because I know our boy is full of them, you can tell by the way he plays, concentrates.  He gets it all.


I see relatives and friends with their 2 and 3 year olds and I become jealous.  I try to not dwell on it too much.  But it's hard.  I wish I could fix it all right now.  That I could make it better overnight.  But it will take years.  Years of hard work for all of us.  Years of more patience.  Years of LOTS of love and understanding. 


We are on board.  Whole heartedly.  But I can't tell you there aren't days where I want to throw my hands up in the air.  Call uncle.  That I truly need a break.  But then I look at our boy.  Who loves unconditionally.  Who lights up every room he walks into.  Who loves life and everyone that is in it.  Who gets excited over the most trivial things.  And I plunge back into this Apraxia world we live in.  Because he deserves to have a VOICE that is understood and HEARD by all around him.
I love you Clayton Winfred Newell.


*It's comforting finally having a diagnosis (and even confirmed from a second therapist this past week).  The two years I spent worrying, wondering, losing my mind over what could possible be wrong with our happy, easygoing little guy were not easy either.  Knowing there's a "fix" to this helps tremendously on this journey we are on.


Top 10 for the Week of:
September 8th, 2014


10.  CLEAN.  Like I said last week, I'm finally getting to do all that spring cleaning I've never done in the YEARS that we've lived here.  Amen.


9.  Wood.  We need some.  LOTS.  With our primary heat source being a outdoor wood burner, this is a necessity.  Jay's been trying his best lately to get out to the family farm to get some.  We have a long ways to go but we are getting there.


8.  Caramel Mocha.  Every Thursday this is my treat to myself.  I'm not suppose to have coffee due to the caffeine dehydrating me and giving me migraines.  BUT one a week I think is fine.  I LOVE this.  That is all.


7.  Workouts NEEDED.  Gosh, I need to start doing something!  Anything! I need to step up my game and make it a priority but I just find other things to do....and I feel like I'm in constant motion ALL day from being in the car, to picking kids up, to making meals.  I know, it's every mom's life.  But I NEED to find something.  Or I need a workout partner.  Please.  Accountability helps with me.  I know this FOR SURE.
 
6.  Grocery Shopping Alone.  Bliss.  Although the last time it was just the boy and me.  Wasn't as bad.  But going alone is better.  That's for sure!


5.  Friend Birthday Party.  One of Clay's friends, Luke, had his 3rd birthday party this past weekend.  Loved seeing both Mal and him enjoy their friends.  Seemed like it had been forever since the girls had played together--now that they are no longer in school together:o(  Clay is/was BUSY.  Very busy.  Makes this Momma crazy.  VERY crazy.


4.  Clayisms.  This week, I had the privilege of capturing a special growing up moment of my boy.  As he was walking into school ALONE, I watched him go to his cubby, take his backpack off, hang it up, take his coat off, and hang that up as well.  He knew exactly what to do without even being told--the second week of school!  Sweetest little memory I will keep in my heart forever!  Also made me tear up a bit.  He's growing up.  Clay's teacher and Speech Therapist would like him to add another day to his week.  Which means that Monday thru Thursday he'll be going to school until 11:00AM.  I am extremely bittersweet about this.  But they strongly feel this will help him.  We are giving him a month trial.  He starts Monday.  That gives me only Friday alone with him all day.  I'm trying to leave this day open for just him and me.  Nothing else.  No plans, no errands, just us.  Last Friday was so much fun.  Even though he insisted on being outside at like 8:15 in the morning!:o)  We really had a great day of no rushing or driving anywhere!  It was bliss.  Oh and his new speech teacher also said he has Apraxia.  I'm not sure why this makes me feel better, but it does.  It's like we are ALL on the same page now.  It can only get better from here.


3.  Malloryisms.  One day this past week, I grabbed two kiddie plates for lunch.  Two years worth of grabbing two plates for lunch.  It was a habit I didn't know I had.  Made me a bit tearful.  I'm not sharing lunch with my girl during the week.  I'm hoping to try and do a Friday lunch with her (since her lunch is so early, and with getting Clay, this is the only day that works).  I definitely missed her more this week than last.  It's sinking in.  However, I did have some moments with her at night.  One night her and I played a few games of Memory together.  If I don't get my time in with her, I'm extremely distraught and out-of-sorts.  It's hard to not be happy for her though.  She LOVES school and is thriving.  Her teacher (who is such a sweet woman) has told me such great things about our little girl.  Just wish I was there to witness it all.  I know, I'm being selfish.   It's great to hear though.  Her helpfulness (in an appropriate way--cause there IS a difference), sweetness, and just all around good girl ways are shining.  I am SO proud.  Love her.


2.  7th Anniversary.  Yep.  We had an anniversary this past week.  Just like Jay's birthday.  It came and went quicker than I anticipated.  However, we are taking some US time this weekend which will be nice.  I think it's just inevitable that the beginning of school is crazy.  Which also just happens to be a birthday and anniversary (I still remember taking two days off of school the first week and one day the next the year we got married!).


1.  ME Time.  It's been nice.  Needed.  Quiet.  Just myself, the cat, and the dog.  Which have been great company:o)  I know the cat doesn't mind the kids gone...but I think Tipper is wishing they were home.  Even time to blog has been appreciated!  Just a bit of time to breath.  And recharge.


That's a wrap folks.
Hope you have a great week and weekend!

Until next week,
Mrs. Newell
(P.S.  I went into Mal's room today and was called this.  Soon people.  SOON.)