My Ramblings

I am astonished by the overwhelming support and love given to my blog.  My last entry had by far the most views, comments, and likes.  I am still shocked that all of you read and like my weekly ramblings:o)  I started this over two years ago as an outlet to my sanity.  As well as a reason to look for the good in the weekly little things, to keep record of my family's life, and to hold onto a bit of my educational background.  It has even blossomed into more than just that for me.  And the three month hiatus this summer has proven that to me. 


I'd like to give a huge shout out of thanks to those of you that have supported or commented or just thought in your head "I get that!"  My sole purpose was to help myself (I know, rather selfish), and in the process I've gained an audience who appreciates my random thoughts and ramblings.  An audience I did not know even existed.  But whom I appreciate and find comfort in.  Thanks again!


Top 10 for the Week:
September 15th, 2014


10.  Bee Sting.  I was stung by a bee last week swatting it away from Clay.  I haven't been stung in YEARS.  Was not fun and freaked out the kids a bit.  Whoops.


9.  Tipper Love.  So, I've never been a huge fan of our dog, Tipper.  I know.  Crazy right?  Hear me out.  Our dog before Tips was our baby.  His name was Murphy and he had THE best personality.  Unfortunately we had to put him down when he was around four due to an illness.  We adopted Tipper as a puppy the summer Mal was 18 months.  It was pure chaos.  I seriously felt like I had two babies to care for.  It was too much.  Hence the not fully enjoying her.  Anyways, now that the kids have been off to school, I'm finding this new love for our dog.  She is very sweet, calm, and a great company.  Who would have thought?  Jay's astonished.


8.  Busy Friday.  My goal is to try and stay home on Fridays.  Oh what a Friday we had.  Before noon I had changed the sheets on all 3 beds, cleaned the bathroom, emptied the dishwasher, and unloaded a truck full of wood!  I was exhausted.  And so was Clayster.  He's such a great sidekick.


7.  Pudge the Pig.  Mal's class mascot came for a visit this week.  She was SO excited!  Beaming from ear to ear when I picked her up.  I seriously LOVE this age.  Her excitement over little things is so adorable.  Pudge had a great visit and Mal sure enjoyed sharing her bed with a pig.  (I seriously want a REAL pig.  Seriously.  We are considering getting one this spring.  I'm so excited!:-))


6.  Mal's DESK.  Mal was given a desk from her Aunt and Grandma Newell.  It is perfect!  We had a great time painting it together.  Even Clay helped out. 


5.  Canning Pears!  So last year a few of us got together and canned 60 quarts of pears.  This year, my SIL and I decided to do it again by ourselves!  We were extremely successful!  6 hours, 2 bushels of pears, and the two of us produced 60 or so quarts of pears for us to enjoy over the winter months!  Such satisfaction out of doing this.  Which I still don't know why.  But every time I open a jar up, I am beaming with pride that I helped can it and provide it for my family. I know.  Extremely silly.  And I just have to put in here that Clay was such a trooper!  He was SO well behaved!  I was SO proud of him!


4.  Thursday.  I had an oil change appointment on this past Thursday.  I really didn't know what to do with myself during this time.  But I decided to walk down to a local coffee shop that I had never been in.  It was SUCH bliss.  I had a chance to plan meals for the next week, enjoy a coffee, do a few other things, in the company of locals while smelling delicious coffee.  It seriously was awesome. 


3.  Clayisms. Clay grabbed my phone this weekend and started watching videos of him and Mal.  I cried.  Makes me sad to think about how we used to be able to do things together during the week.  Such a more relaxed, carefree atmosphere.  Now I feel like I'm rushing here and there and everywhere.  Clayton seems to be improving on his speech.  I'm noticing a few combined words--two sheep, pink pig, here mom.  He continues to love school and is SO into napping (which he's NEVER been before!).


2.  Malloryisms.  Getting to be such a big girl.  I asked her this week during one of our chit-chat sessions if she wanted me to go back to work.  Her reply, "I don't want you to work.  You need to take care of home."  I guess it's probably comforting for her to know that I am home waiting for her.  Still loving school as well and doing extremely well.  I'm noticing an improvement in her writing.  And she's more interested in practicing things at home.


1.  Kidless Weekend.  Jay and I went to visit some dear friends of ours one night so my parents took the kids for the whole weekend.  I cried when they left.  I didn't even have a good chance to talk to my girl after school and then she was gone.  For our kidless date night, Jay and I hauled wood.  Yes, that is correct people.  You do what you gotta do.  We are those type.  Between hauling and unloading we DID got out to dinner and had a few drinks.  I had three and had a hangover in the morning.  This is why I don't drink anymore.  Jay thinks I need to drink more so I don't feel this way.  HA!  We had a lovely time visiting our friends and getting a tour of their new house.  We feel blessed to have them in our lives for so many years (18 years to be exact!).  Lots of laughs, food, and just enjoying each other's company.  Looking forward to hopefully another visit before the end of the year.


That's a wrap!
Hope all is well!
And that you had a great week as well!


Until next week,
Mrs. Newell

Apraxia

"I wish my brother talked, then I'd have someone to talk to."
This was said by my sweet Miss Mallory Jayne.  We were coming home from dance last week and she just randomly stated this.  Broke my heart.  Because honestly, I feel the same way.  And the more time I spend alone with him the more I crave to hear "real" words from him.


Apraxia* is not easy.


Especially to those closest to him.


I have learned that my daughter has an overly patience personality.  She loves her brother with all her heart and tries her best to include him in everything she does.  Always thinking of him.  Playing with him.  Helping him.  The two are inseparable when they are both home.


But this summer took a toll on their relationship.  Being together 24 hours a day, 7 days a week broke them.  Broke her.  And I KNOW the feeling.  They began to fight a lot.  Constantly bickering.  It wore at me.  I didn't know what to do.  What had gone wrong.  And then it hit me.


Apraxia.


I watched several encounters with them...watched them escalate.  Each started with them playing nicely.  Enjoying each other's company.  Smiling, laughing.  And then Mallory would want Clay to do something or say something.  And he wouldn't want to.  He would struggle with how to tell her his own opinion.  She couldn't understand.  She would yell.  He would get even more frustrated.  And hit. Throw. Whatever he could do to get her attention.  She would then do the same back OR come crying to me.  I felt bad.  I knew the reasoning behind their fights.  The lack of communication.  Clay's frustration with knowing what's going on, wanting to tell her what he wants, and then not being able to. 


I honestly can't even imagine what that would be like.  To not have a voice when you know what you want to say.  Makes me cry every time I think about my little boy.  How desperately I would love for him to ask me for a glass of milk.  Or to tell me he loves me.  Or to even know his thoughts.  Because I know our boy is full of them, you can tell by the way he plays, concentrates.  He gets it all.


I see relatives and friends with their 2 and 3 year olds and I become jealous.  I try to not dwell on it too much.  But it's hard.  I wish I could fix it all right now.  That I could make it better overnight.  But it will take years.  Years of hard work for all of us.  Years of more patience.  Years of LOTS of love and understanding. 


We are on board.  Whole heartedly.  But I can't tell you there aren't days where I want to throw my hands up in the air.  Call uncle.  That I truly need a break.  But then I look at our boy.  Who loves unconditionally.  Who lights up every room he walks into.  Who loves life and everyone that is in it.  Who gets excited over the most trivial things.  And I plunge back into this Apraxia world we live in.  Because he deserves to have a VOICE that is understood and HEARD by all around him.
I love you Clayton Winfred Newell.


*It's comforting finally having a diagnosis (and even confirmed from a second therapist this past week).  The two years I spent worrying, wondering, losing my mind over what could possible be wrong with our happy, easygoing little guy were not easy either.  Knowing there's a "fix" to this helps tremendously on this journey we are on.


Top 10 for the Week of:
September 8th, 2014


10.  CLEAN.  Like I said last week, I'm finally getting to do all that spring cleaning I've never done in the YEARS that we've lived here.  Amen.


9.  Wood.  We need some.  LOTS.  With our primary heat source being a outdoor wood burner, this is a necessity.  Jay's been trying his best lately to get out to the family farm to get some.  We have a long ways to go but we are getting there.


8.  Caramel Mocha.  Every Thursday this is my treat to myself.  I'm not suppose to have coffee due to the caffeine dehydrating me and giving me migraines.  BUT one a week I think is fine.  I LOVE this.  That is all.


7.  Workouts NEEDED.  Gosh, I need to start doing something!  Anything! I need to step up my game and make it a priority but I just find other things to do....and I feel like I'm in constant motion ALL day from being in the car, to picking kids up, to making meals.  I know, it's every mom's life.  But I NEED to find something.  Or I need a workout partner.  Please.  Accountability helps with me.  I know this FOR SURE.
 
6.  Grocery Shopping Alone.  Bliss.  Although the last time it was just the boy and me.  Wasn't as bad.  But going alone is better.  That's for sure!


5.  Friend Birthday Party.  One of Clay's friends, Luke, had his 3rd birthday party this past weekend.  Loved seeing both Mal and him enjoy their friends.  Seemed like it had been forever since the girls had played together--now that they are no longer in school together:o(  Clay is/was BUSY.  Very busy.  Makes this Momma crazy.  VERY crazy.


4.  Clayisms.  This week, I had the privilege of capturing a special growing up moment of my boy.  As he was walking into school ALONE, I watched him go to his cubby, take his backpack off, hang it up, take his coat off, and hang that up as well.  He knew exactly what to do without even being told--the second week of school!  Sweetest little memory I will keep in my heart forever!  Also made me tear up a bit.  He's growing up.  Clay's teacher and Speech Therapist would like him to add another day to his week.  Which means that Monday thru Thursday he'll be going to school until 11:00AM.  I am extremely bittersweet about this.  But they strongly feel this will help him.  We are giving him a month trial.  He starts Monday.  That gives me only Friday alone with him all day.  I'm trying to leave this day open for just him and me.  Nothing else.  No plans, no errands, just us.  Last Friday was so much fun.  Even though he insisted on being outside at like 8:15 in the morning!:o)  We really had a great day of no rushing or driving anywhere!  It was bliss.  Oh and his new speech teacher also said he has Apraxia.  I'm not sure why this makes me feel better, but it does.  It's like we are ALL on the same page now.  It can only get better from here.


3.  Malloryisms.  One day this past week, I grabbed two kiddie plates for lunch.  Two years worth of grabbing two plates for lunch.  It was a habit I didn't know I had.  Made me a bit tearful.  I'm not sharing lunch with my girl during the week.  I'm hoping to try and do a Friday lunch with her (since her lunch is so early, and with getting Clay, this is the only day that works).  I definitely missed her more this week than last.  It's sinking in.  However, I did have some moments with her at night.  One night her and I played a few games of Memory together.  If I don't get my time in with her, I'm extremely distraught and out-of-sorts.  It's hard to not be happy for her though.  She LOVES school and is thriving.  Her teacher (who is such a sweet woman) has told me such great things about our little girl.  Just wish I was there to witness it all.  I know, I'm being selfish.   It's great to hear though.  Her helpfulness (in an appropriate way--cause there IS a difference), sweetness, and just all around good girl ways are shining.  I am SO proud.  Love her.


2.  7th Anniversary.  Yep.  We had an anniversary this past week.  Just like Jay's birthday.  It came and went quicker than I anticipated.  However, we are taking some US time this weekend which will be nice.  I think it's just inevitable that the beginning of school is crazy.  Which also just happens to be a birthday and anniversary (I still remember taking two days off of school the first week and one day the next the year we got married!).


1.  ME Time.  It's been nice.  Needed.  Quiet.  Just myself, the cat, and the dog.  Which have been great company:o)  I know the cat doesn't mind the kids gone...but I think Tipper is wishing they were home.  Even time to blog has been appreciated!  Just a bit of time to breath.  And recharge.


That's a wrap folks.
Hope you have a great week and weekend!

Until next week,
Mrs. Newell
(P.S.  I went into Mal's room today and was called this.  Soon people.  SOON.)

3 Month Hiatis

It's amazing to me how three months can just fly.  Like they never even really happened.  As I look back on my blog, I see that the middle of June was my last entry.  It makes me sad, but it gives me joy in writing TODAY.  Gosh I have missed this outlet.


A lot has happened since then.  In fact, I continue to have our "notes" or memories on my phone.  Who knows if I will eventually officially make them into a blog.   But for now, they are still recorded.  Still captured.  In hopes of not forgetting the past three months!  Because my "mommy brain" is like that!  Until then, let's move on.


This past week was our first week of school.  For BOTH kids. 


I'm still in awe at how smooth the transition went for the kids.  (This Momma is a different story!)


Mallory* was elated to go....she couldn't get there fast enough!  Jumped right into the playground and only looked back once to wave on the way into the school.  She was beaming from ear to ear.  When I picked her up from school that day she told me it was "THE best ever!"  She kept telling me how much she couldn't wait to go back.  Her favorite part of the day was Music.  When I found out who her teacher was, it totally made sense to me.  A fun, energetic lady who I know Mal will relate very well too!  (I should also mention here that Clayton cried a TON.  He missed her SO much and still does.  I remember driving away from her school and he kept looking at her carseat and saying MeeMee.  Broke my heart).


Clayton** was excited too...but a little apprehensive.  He is MUCH more of a homebody.  He loves home.  And it's one of the words he can say really well.  So he says it often:o)  On the first day I kept telling him that I would be "back" and we'd have "lunch."  He can say and understand these words very easily.   He kept repeating them and all of a sudden it was like, "Okay, I got this."  He walked right in and didn't even look back.  The second day he held onto me a bit longer, gave me a tighter hug.  But still in the long run, walked in with no real stress.


Now, I know most would think GREAT!  How nice!  No real stress on the kids.  Etc, etc. 


But this Momma thought--what have I done that my kids are SO willing to leave the nest?  ME?


My VERY wise Mother put it in perspective for me (after I called her upset after dropping off the boy).  We've prepared them for this day.  We've taught them to be independent.  To enjoy being around others.  That school is important.  And that's the next step in their life.


I didn't cry.  I thought I might tear a little.  But I didn't.
(Probably helped that I'm on an antidepressant again--a whole other story about the stress of summer that I'm sure will come out in other blogs!)


I pondered this a bit too.  And came to the same realization as the kids.  I mean, I'm sad.  But I understand that this is the next step.  The next chapter in our life.  It's different.  Hard to even explain but I know this is how it works.  And it's inevitable. 


I miss my girl terribly.  BUT I know she needs this.  Needs the interactions, needs the learning environment of school.  I feel like I need to make a list of things that pop up in my head during the day that makes me think of her.  Or the important things I want to tell her.  And if I don't get my time in with her in the evening--I feel upset, like I'm missing something.


And I miss my boy too.  But the few hours of not having to be on Clay duty is honestly a nice break.  I cringe typing that...but after this summer, it's such a nice reprieve from the LONG days.  And I still have my one-on-one time with him.  And he LOVES this.  SO much.  We read books, cook, play, take walks, go to the store.  He's my little sidekick.  And mind you this is only the second week of school:o) 
SO, my kids love school.  So did I.  And my heart keeps telling me that someday I will be back in the classroom where I know I'm meant to be.  This week has truly given me insight into my love of teaching and the school environment. 
However, until then, I will keep plugging along at my duties now:o)  Miss Chauffeur, Miss Chef, Miss Maid, Miss Laudrymat, Miss Fix-It, Miss Organize, Miss It's-Amazing-To-Me-What-I-Can-Do-In-Two-Hours.  And honestly, I wouldn't change it for the world! 


*Mallory is attending my old school that I used to teach in for 9 years.  I feel like everyone knows her.  She loved all the special attention as everyone said hello to her.  It's so comforting knowing my people are with her and watching over her.  Such a blessing.  Her teacher is Mrs. Ebeling--a good friend who I also had her daughter--I was pregnant with Mal the year I had her daughter.  Her daughter gave me a build-a-bear frog that Mal STILL sleeps with to this day:o)


**Clayton is attending a special needs preschool where he will receive 2-3 days of speech therapy as well as see an OT.  His class only has 8 kids with a full time teacher AND parapro.  His teacher ROCKS!  Sweetest thing ever.  It's the perfect fit for him.  I am SO glad that we decided to go here and I can't wait to see the growth in him this year.


Top 10 for the Week:
September 1st, 2014


10.  Blogging.  I'm blogging.  BIG news.  It's been forever.   Feels GREAT!


9.  HOME.  There's something about home that makes me feel great.  I'm comfortable.  Happy.  At peace.  There's no other place I would like to be.  And I think this feeling is rubbing off on Clayster.  He loves home.  It helps that it's one of his clear, you-can-understand-it, words.


8.  Dance Started!  Dance started this past week.  Yes--the first week of school!  Mal is taking tap as well as ballet.  It was a bit rough.  She was fooling around a bit with the other girls.  I know she was tired.  Her attention span shot from being in school.  She loves tap.  I knew she would.


7.  Holy Clean People.  Ummmm...I'm kind of a clean freak.  But being home more, by myself, has caused me to go into spring cleaning mode.  Like all those years, I've truly neglected doing the REAL spring cleaning are NOW taking place.  I find great satisfaction out of this.  I know, I'm sick.  I like the smell of clean:o)


6.  Tantrums Baby.  Both kids.  Multiple times.  First week of school.  I'm SURE it will get better. Right?


5.  Weekend at Nana & Papa's.  We had a great weekend at my parents. I was a bit nervous knowing my kids just came off of their first week of school.  But it was a must.  All my dad's side of the family plus my brother and his family were there.  It was great to see everyone and especially my Grandma.  We played cards, chatted, ate, had a great time together.  It's nice to see them another time than just Christmas.  Kids were beat.  But they loved every minute of the social party.


4.  Clayisms.  He is such a different kid one-on-one.  Much calmer.  Sweeter.  I know he missed Mal terribly.  But he is soaking up his Momma time.  And I'm letting him:o)  Forgot to mention he also cut his hair this week with the scissors he got from the school fairy (Jay is blaming ME for this.  Who gets a 3 year old scissors?  Mind you, he was standing in FRONT of Clay when he did this).  Several times this week, Clayton also ran downstairs to give Mal one last hug before she left for school.  It was cute.


3.  Malloryisms.  She's so adorable.  I heard many cute sayings from her this week.  The first one was after school on the first day.  I just had picked her up and we were heading into the house.  I was a bit behind her and I heard "I missed you girl."  She was talking to our dog, Tipper.  It was the sweetest thing.  And I totally get where she was coming from.  On the second day home from school, Clay was pretty much telling her he didn't want her to go to school anymore.  Her reply, "I have to go to school Clay so I can learn.  Then I can read you books!  Won't that be fun Clayton?"  I still beam as I type this. 


2.  Jay's Birthday.  Jay had a birthday.  First day of school.  That is all:o)


1.  School.  They LOVE it.  I'm glad.  But sad. 




I did it!  Completed my first blog in FOREVER!
Hope you people have a great week~!
Feels great to be back!
Even though this week is almost over...
And I'll be typing again REAL soon (hopefully!).


Until next week,
Mrs. Newell