Rough Thursday

I have to admit that today has been a rough day.

I feel like I am failing at my job.

My 17 month old does not talk, my 3 1/2 year old does not know her colors, and the chocolate, sprinkle covered apples I made with the kids taste awful.

It was the last failure that put me over the edge today.

I'm upset.  Thinking that I haven't done enough. I want to crawl into a hole and rewind, fast forward, stand still??? I'm not even sure. 

Am I cramming too much into a year?  Am I being too hard on myself?

I just can't understand what I have done wrong.  How do I fix it without making it worse?

Since truly feeling the burden of these two things, today I have tried to "fix" them.

I made color flash cards for my daughter trying to make it light but deep down feeling heavy from the experience.  I feel pushy.  She guesses, and it's extremely obvious that she really doesn't know all her colors all the time.*

I wouldn't give my son his paci until he told me "yes."  It's nap time.  He sleeps with a paci.  15 minutes or so (felt like forever) of crying, shaking his head up and down, frustration on his part and mine, until finally I just gave in and gave him his paci. 

I know it's early in their lives.  I just feel like the whole reason why I am home this year is to make a difference in our kids' lives.  And I already feel like I'm failing.

Not all days have felt like today.  In fact, none have felt quite like today. 

Here's to starting over after rest/nap time.  And a little prayer that everything will work out.



*I had a flashback while working with my daughter today.  I struggled a great deal in school from kindergarten up until college.  I guess a part of me feels bad.  Really bad that she might have to go through what I went through.